I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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