I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Found your dick twin last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
