Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
