don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
