Walk of Shame. In a state park.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize