They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
