he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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