Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
