I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
