I faked an abortion last night.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
