I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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