so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
