Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
