I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
