sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
