I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
