Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
