Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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