let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
