Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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