i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
