what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
