Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Houston, we have a blender
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
