I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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