I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so let's talk penis.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
