I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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