Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
