I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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