someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
