I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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