It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
