a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
