It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
