he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she looked like the before picture.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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