If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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