Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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