so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
