u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize