just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
