Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
