So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
