Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
