Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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