you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
