Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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