Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize