so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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