He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
