Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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