don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
