3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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