I've blown a few things in my day
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize