I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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