The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
