apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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