im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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