So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize