She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
