Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
