Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
barbara walters just said penis...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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