I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
