Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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