just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
